My Body Isn’t Offensive

As some of you may know, I’m currently on holiday with my family. Hence I wasn’t planning on writing anything until I came home again, yet I’ve actually been inspired by my holiday! Today was the first day on holiday where it has been warm enough to wear a bikini and go to the beach. Now, body confidence isn’t one of my strongest areas (is it anyone’s?) and my weight over the past year has fluctuated enormously- the university diet of take outs, alcohol and not much exercise certainly took its toll this year!

All in all I put on about a stone in weight. To be honest I did need to put on weight; I had lost a lot of weight over year 13 due to A level stress and bad eating habits, and looking back at myself in 2014 I wasn’t very healthy.

 

After some pretty intense gym sessions and taking up running since Easter I’ve managed to tone up an awful lot, and in all honesty, I’m very proud of my progress. This isn’t me being big headed or vain at all; I’m sure anyone who has worked hard with their body knows the huge levels of motivation and discipline it takes to see change, and the results are something worth being happy about! (I could write a whole post on negative attitudes towards personal praise but I’m digressing so back to the point).

Anyways, so back to today. I had taken a photo of myself in my bikini as anyone who knows me will understand I’m a bit snap- happy, and I thought, hey I actually look good in this photo! I’m happy with my body- I may not have the desired thigh gap or be over 5’3 but I look alright. And as anyone nowadays who takes a photo of themselves where they like the way they look, I began to upload the photo onto my instagram. Yet before pressing upload I hesitated, as I began to think, not would people think that I’m vain if I upload this photo, but what would other Christians who follow me think if I upload this photo?

There is a strong emphasis in Christianity, in particularly for women, placed on modesty. And growing up as a teenage girl in the church, this was interpreted to me as ‘covering up’. This is rooted in biblical warnings against men lusting after women- as Jesus said in Matthew 5 v 28-29, ‘anyone who looks at a women lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart… If your right eye causes you to stumble, gorge it out‘. Now, despite this verse pointing towards the man as the active participant in this act, much emphasis has been placed on women to prevent men from doing this in the church. In my opinion this is a result of the strong patriarchy in the church until recent times- it must be the women who are doing something wrong to cause the men to sin! And therefore, for a long while I believed that it was my responsibility to ‘cover up’, to prevent men from looking at me inappropriately, so they didn’t sin.

This belief was upheld by a lot of Christians around me. I knew some women who would not let their daughters wear bikinis on the beach as they were too revealing, short skirts and shorts were heavily disapproved of and don’t even start me on crop tops (funny how showing an inch of skin around one’s waist, along with wearing jeans, is somehow massively more inappropriate to someone who is wearing a knee length skirt and t shirt- evidently revealing more flesh). I was given a book written by older christian women directed to teenage Christian girls when I was about 15, and in this book they shamed women who wore tight clothing or short skirts (not just in church, but in general) and spoke of how they had to ask girls wearing short skirts to stand at the back of church as they were distracting the young men. It was very much drilled into me that as a woman my body was irresistible to men so I had the responsibility of covering it up so men wouldn’t think about me inappropriately.

I have a lot of issues with this way of thinking and teaching about modesty.

Firstly, this attitude encourages attitudes linked to the rape culture. Let me explain. Rape culture, a term coined in the 1970s, describes a world where rape is normalised due to society’s attitudes towards gender and sexuality. Common behaviour within this culture is victim blaming, objectification, and denial. Victim blaming is what I am concerned with here. With the ‘teaching’ I just described above, young girls are constantly being told that they are the ones who are to fault if men think about them inappropriately. Think back to the story I described from the book above- the story depicts the young girls as responsible for the men’s thoughts, by what they were wearing. They are not ‘putting out signals’ or in a sexual environment, they are simply in church wearing a skirt. Despite it being the men who are thinking inappropriately about them, the girls are the ones receiving the responsibility and blame for the thoughts. Let me be clear here that I am not saying that we shouldn’t dress respectfully for the environment we are in; indeed, I know many who would prefer not to wear shorts or skirts in church as it is a place of worship. However, with this situation, the environment wasn’t the issue being addressed. The girls were disciplined because the skirts they were wearing were supposedly distracting men. They were not disciplined because the pastor thought that they were inappropriate for church as church is a place of worship, instead, they were disciplined because they were blamed for another person’s thoughts. I believe I am not responsible for the thoughts you have about me in your head. I dress for my own comfort and pleasure, and correctly for my environment. If you think a certain way about me for what I’m wearing, you’re the one with the problem to face, in particularly if you’re oversexualising me. By saying it’s my responsibility, you’re blaming me for inappropriate thoughts men may have about me. This is the mindset strongly linked the the rape culture- that women ‘ask for it’ because of the way they are dressed. The victim is blamed for the action motivated by the thought. Victim blaming, I believe, is not acceptable, or justifiable when teaching about modesty.

Secondly, this attitude encourages body shaming among young girls. If constantly being told that their bodies are something that cause men to sin, this encourages negative attitudes towards one’s body. Instead of being taught that their bodies are something to take pride and confidence in, girls are being taught that their body is causing men to sin, and is therefore bad. I’ve witnessed and felt this myself- the shame young christian women feel towards their bodies because the way they have been taught suggests that their body is a catalyst for sin. Instead of young women rising up full of confidence, joy, strength and empowerment in their bodies, a generation is being raised where women are unhappy with their bodies; they dislike the effect they have on others- especially as they cannot help what body parts and sizes they have. This attitude breeds self shame and self hatred towards one’s own body- a very damaging and negative attitude to have, as demonstrated by the huge rise in this attitude in my generation. Heck, we need all the body confidence we can get!

Thirdly, this suggests that as a woman, I will only be respected if I dress a certain way. If a wear a skirt or shorts or a crop top, men will only think lustfully about me, and any other thought about myself disregarding my physical appearance isn’t important. This attitude suggests that the only way men will think of me appropriately and respect me is when I’m wearing something that completely covers me up- that way they are not tempted to look at me inappropriately and instead can concentrate on who I am as a person. This is so ridiculous, and demeans men and women alike. It creates false gender stereotypes for both men and women, dishonouring both sexes. Any man reading this- I’m sure you’re not happy being treated as if you’re some lust machine with absolutely no control over your thoughts; that the second you see a girl’s legs or cleavage or belly button you’re so overcome with lust you cannot think of anything else. And women- we deserve respect because of who we are and because of our actions, not because of they clothes we decide to wear in the morning. The teaching of modesty I received heavily promoted these stereotypes and attitudes, and I strongly believe they need to be challenged.

This is why, I believe, we need to stop teaching this attitude regarding modesty to young people in the church. This teaching isn’t healthy, it assumes and teaches things about men and women that are simply wrong, it encourages body shaming, and promotes characteristics of rape culture. This is why I choose to upload pictures of myself wearing a bikini. My body is not the problem- particularly if I’m in an environment where this clothing is normal. The thoughts are the issue to be addressed. When I wear a bikini to the beach I am covering up all body parts traditionally (and in England, culturally) seen as inappropriate, heck I barely show any cleavage. If you’re oversexualising my arms, shoulders, back, tummy or legs, your the one with the issue to face, not me. Jesus even said in the bible- if it is your eye that causes you to sin tear it out- I.e. If you have the thoughts, sort them out and stop pointing the blame! Even now, I still get nervous about wearing shorts out in public, of wearing a top that may show my cleavage, because this teaching has induced me to think that by doing this, I am doing something wrong. And I am sick of it. I should not feel bad about my body, for wearing normal clothes in general environments, when it’s not me who is doing anything wrong. We should be teaching young people to respect themselves and those around them alike regardless of their clothing- my clothing does not determine my self worth or respect. We should stop oversexualising body parts, and encourage body confidence. We should teach appropriate attitudes to have towards men and women and bin the stereotypes, and consider why we may be having certain thoughts about people instead of switching the blame. I believe we need to reverse the damage that has been done by this way of thinking.

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as a note to finish with… In this post I am addressing the way the I have been told to dress in general as a Christian woman, not just in church, but in day to day life. I agree that in certain places and scenarios we do need to dress respectfully, which will mean covering up. But we are not covering up to stop what goes in in other people’s heads, we are covering up out of respect for our environment. It’s the attitude that needs to adjust, in my opinion. I also understand that in different cultures, attitudes towards bodies differ regarding what may be appropriate. In this post I am talking specifically about the cultural attitudes in Britain.